|
• Sexual
Harassment...
Do Kids REALLY Do It?
• Personal Safety vs. Moral Responsibility:
The Mixed Message To Children
• Dealing
with Bullying...
• Peer
Education and Sexual Harassment Prevention
Sexual
Harassment...
Do Kids REALLY Do It?
by Katy Allen,
Genesee
Valley Parent Magazine, October 1998
Third grader Bobby comes home and complains to his mother that Sarah
is kissing him at school. Bobby doesn't know how to get Sarah to
leave him alone. Mom suggests that he write about it in his journal,
assuring him that when his teacher reads about it she will solve
the problem.
Is this sexual harassment? The words make most folks cringe. For
some it conjures up images of lawsuits, courtrooms and ruined reputations.
For others it dredges up awful memories of a creepy person who said
nasty things or invaded private space. Regardless of what emotional
hot buttons the words "sexual harassment" push, the topic
has become one that cannot and should not be ignored.
The actions, words or behaviors that we call sexual harassment are
not new. They've been around a long time and they've been happening
in every place or situation where people come together: street corners,
homes, parks, the workplace and schools.
So what's the big deal? Over the past twenty years we have come
to realize (and the courts have agreed) that harassment often results
in discrimination, and as we all know, many kinds of discrimination
are illegal in the United States. This is how it might look in a
school:
Joe would really like to take the Child Development elective. He
likes kids and his mom runs a day care center out of their home.
After school he spends a lot of time helping her with the children.
He signs up for the class. On the first day, he discovers that he
is the only male in the class. It's no problem until the boyfriend
of one of the girls in the class gets wind of it. Joe is suddenly
the target of rumors that he is gay. Kids call him "fag"
and "wuss." The girls in the class shy away from doing
projects with him. Feeling isolated and embarrassed, Joe drops the
class.
It's easy to see that getting hassled impacted Joe's decision to
quit the Child Development class. Ultimately, the harassment resulted
in discrimination. Joe had every right to participate in the course,
but the fact that he was male became an obstacle. Joe was harassed
because of his gender. If he had been female, these things would
not have happened to him. In addition to this being gender harassment,
Joe's situation also involved sexual harassment because the verbal
taunting included words that had sexual meaning.
to top
But why the focus on schools? Aren't we getting a bit too sensitive
about the whole thing? Don't schools have enough to worry about
without "one more thing?"
Schools are obligated by law to make sure that they do not discriminate
by gender (as well as race, religion, etc.). We know that sexual
harassment is a form of gender discrimination. When students are
being harassed and staff walk on by without correcting the behavior,
schools are saying that the behavior is O.K. When the behavior qualifies
as sexual harassment, the school becomes a party to discrimination.
Stepping outside the legal arena, we can all agree that every child
deserves the very best educational opportunity available. Sexual
harassment gets in the way of a child reaching his or her full potential
as a learner.
About four out of five students (male and female) experience sexual
harassment in schools (AAUW Survey-Hostile Hallways). Most of it
is not severe (but when it is, it is devastating). Most sexual harassment
is perpetrated student to student, often in retaliation for having
been sexually harassed. (Example: One girl calls another girl a
"ho," and the second girl responds by calling the first
girl a "slut.")
Most sexual harassment in schools is called "hostile environment"
sexual harassment. That means that it contributes to a poisoned
sexual environment that is detrimental to a comfortable learning
environment. Some hostile environment sexual harassment is direct,
like being called a "lezzy" or a "tramp." Sometimes
it is much more indirect like sexually explicit pictures hanging
in lockers or vulgar sexual jokes.
Most student to student sexual harassment is not done deliberately
to hurt or control anyone. More often than not, student to student
sexual harassment is just bad flirting.
Flirting is a normal, human behavior. It is a way of saying to a
person, "I like you. I want to get to know you better. Can
we get more intimate?" Some of us are born with a pretty good
sense of how to be a successful flirter. Most of us, though, learn
how to flirt by watching TV or by imitating others who don't flirt
very well. If an individual is not good at reading social cues,
he or she may fail to understand that the attention being lavished
on the chosen one is crass or invasive. Thankfully, though, most
of us get better at flirting as we get older and have more practice.
to top
Even in elementary schools boys and girls flirt with each other.
Boys chase girls around the playground. Girls send notes to boys
they like. When the receiver doesn't mind it, and when it doesn't
contribute to a hostile environment, it's fine. But if it is problematic
for the child on the receiving end, it might be called sexual harassment.
In schools, how we deal with the instigator is far more important
though, than how we label the behavior. To the individual child,
it doesn't matter whether the name he's called is "fatso"
or "homo." The end result is pain, and perhaps interference
in learning. What is more important from the perspective of the
child who is being harassed is that the disrespectful behavior needs
to stop.
Schools can't (or at least shouldn't) ignore sexual harassment for
legal reasons, but neither should they ignore garden-variety harassment
either. Being picked on because of having large breasts (sexual
harassment) or being picked on because of having large feet (general
harassment) is no picnic.
The school that suspended Jonathan Prevette for kissing a first
grade classmate made an error in proportion when he was disciplined.
Suspension was extreme for the behavior he exhibited (based on what
we know about the situation, which is limited). A verbal reprimand
and some frank education about appropriate social behavior would
probably have fit the crime. In the end, it would also probably
have saved the little girl and her school a great deal of embarrassment.
Schools should be careful (and most are) about how they use the
label "sexual harassment" because it has such a powerful
and often negative effect on people. No one wants to be called a
sexual harasser any more than anyone wants to be a target of sexual
harassment.
to top
So how do we deal with the issue in a rational fashion when it comes
to schools and students?
Although not required by NYS law, most schools have sexual harassment
policies. These policies form the basis for how a school responds
to overt or alleged acts of sexual harassment. When these policies
are written with input from students, parents and educators, they
tend to be "owned" by those who use them. Parents can
get involved by asking to see the policy and asking to be involved
in its revision.
If your child is being harassed by another student, sexual or other,
you have a right to ask the school to help provide your child with
a safe, positive learning environment. Most schools really want
all students to be successful and they know that harassment can
seriously impede that process. How a parent approaches a school
may impact the outcome. Be calm. Avoid being confrontational. Come
prepared to give as much factual information about the situation
as possible. Ask to be kept abreast of how the school is dealing
with the situation and keep the person you are working with informed
of how things are going from your end. Consider this a team effort.
Lastly, sexual harassment among students can happen because children
and young adolescents may not have very sophisticated social skills.
Creating respectful environments in our schools requires not only
sexual harassment prevention education, but training in how to interact
with each other in ways that are socially appropriate. Teaching
our children how not to sexually harass each other should go hand
in hand with teaching them how to be good flirters and respectful
classmates.
Bobby wrote in his journal that he didn't like it when his female
classmate kissed him. Soon after his teacher read his entry, Bobby's
classmate stopped kissing him.
Not all instances of sexual harassment are minor, nor are they so
easily dealt with as Bobby's, but the truth is that kids do sexually
harass each other, even in elementary schools.
copyright © 2002 Impact Training
to
top
Personal
Safety vs. Moral Responsibility:
The Mixed Message To Children
by Katy Allen
Times Union, Rochester, NY
October 16, 1995
I recently attended a church service where the scriptural reading
was the "Good Samaritan." The parable describes a man,
the victim of a mugging, lying by the road, whose plight is ignored
by two upstanding members of society. The dying man is rescued by
a Samaritan, someone looked down on by the very citizen whom he
helps. As the homilist pointed out after the reading, the message
is clear: It is our responsibility to help those suffering and in
need, even those who are strangers or enemies. None of us are exempt
from this duty.
While in agreement with both the point of the parable and the homily,
I struggled over the message that this bible story sends to children.
Would not a child conclude that it is his/her responsibility to
help a person in need? And is it not also true, that most children
are trusting, helpful and compassionate by nature and would instinctively
respond to an individual who is needy?
The reality of our world, however, is that when we send our children
into society, we give them personal safety information that contradicts
this moral message. Most of us have told our children not to talk
to "strangers," or to help " strangers," while
at the same time we exhort them to be kind and helpful to others.
This is a dilemma, then, for when faced with someone in need, especially
an older person whom s/he may not know, what is the child to do?
The inconsistency of our moral messages and our safety messages
can put children in a quandary. What choice will the child make?
Does s/he risk personal safety and wellbeing or risk being guilty
of selfishness and unkindness?
Children are expected to obey their parents and be respectful of
adults, particularly ones whose care they are under. Given this
fact, and considering that young children have difficulty identifying
who are and are not "strangers," we have placed a heavy
burden on our children when they have to decide whether or not help
an adult.
to top
Complicating the situation further is the fact that most children
are abducted and/or sexually abused by people they know. The child
who helps the neighbor with whom s/he is acquainted, carry groceries
into the house may be vulnerable to sexual abuse.
The truth is that children should always consider their own wellbeing
when making judgments about when and how to help others. A basic
principle of personal safety is that a person is always safer when
with others than when alone. Children need to know that when they
are by themselves...walking home from school or to a friend's house...playing
by oneself outside...waiting for a parent to get home from work,
their own safety is of primary importance. When approached for help
or assistance by someone other than a parent or the "in charge"
adult, a child needs to seek advice from his immediate caretaker,
or else say, "Sorry, I can't help you," and quickly move
on to a safer environment.
Generally, children should be taught that grownups who need help
should get it from grownups, not children, and when asked for help,
the child should turn the responsibility over to the closest adult.
Children need to know that their obligation to take care of their
own safety always supersedes the obligation to be a good citizen
or Christian. Teaching children to connect with the closest adult
or how to call 911 is usually the best a child can do for someone
in genuine distress.
Most people who ask children for help do so innocently. In fact,
most people are good people and would never trick or hurt a child.
There are individuals, however, who have lured children into victimization
by playing upon their innocence and compassion.
"Can you help me find my lost puppy or kitty?...I'm trying
to find Mr. Smith's house. Can you show me where he lives?...I've
got a box of trash in the basement that needs to go out to the curb.
Would you help me?" Whether the needy person is known or unknown
to the child, s/he should check it out with the "in charge"
adult. If that person is inaccessible, the child should move away
from the situation to a safer place.
We need to help our children work through this because being a good
self caretaker and being a good person should not be in conflict
with each other. Children need to know that the Good Samaritan was
an adult, not a child, and when they become adults they will be
better able to judge when it is safe or unsafe to help someone in
need.
I have often wondered what Lewis Lent, the alleged abductor and
murderer of Sara Anne Wood, said to her to lure her into his truck.
Did he feign needing help? Did her conscience tell her to help him?
Maybe not, but how many children have been lured into sexual abuse,
abduction, or both, by a sick adult faking distress?
When we teach children compassion for their fellow human beings,
let us also teach them how and when they need to place their own
safety first.
Their lives may depend on it.
copyright ©
2002 Impact Training
to
top
Dealing
with Bullying...
Book Review of The Bully Free Classroom
by Katy Allen
Genesee Valley Parent Magazine
November, 1999
Bullying is an old problem that is getting new attention, and it's
none too early, either. The Bully Free Classroom,
by Allan L. Beane, Ph.D., is a practical how-to guide for K-8 teachers
who need help dealing with the problem of bullying behavior in their
classrooms.
Divided into three sections, the book contains "over 100 tips
and strategies for teachers K-8," as well as background information
and statistics on the problem of bullying.
Section one deals with creating a positive and respectful classroom
environment. Most valuable among the suggestions is the need to
define and discuss the problem of bullying with students. Empowered
students can become active players in creating a safe and respectful
learning environment.
The second section offers teachers useful information on how to
help the victims of bullying behavior. Topics include tips for intervening
when bullying is observed or reported, and how to mobilize witnesses
to diffuse bullying situations.
Helping bullies is the focus of the third section. Having clear
consequences and challenging bullies to change the way they think
are among the issues covered.
The Bully Free Classroom contains thirty-four pages of reproducible
handouts and worksheets for parents and students, as well as an
extensive bibliography of additional materials.
Although the author designates the book as a K-8 resource, it would
be most useful to teachers K-6. Many of the ideas will be more successful
if used in self-contained classrooms as opposed to middle/junior
high schools that are departmentalized.
One minor flaw in the book is the tendency of the author to insinuate
that students become victims because they have "external deviations"
(physical defects or mannerisms) that cause them to be bullied.
Research (Olweus, 1991) indicates that although victims are often
teased about something that makes them different from others, differences
do not cause teasing. What "causes" bullying is one person's
need to exert power and control over another. In fact, everyone
has some "external deviation" which could easily become
the point of embarrassment in bully/victim conflict. More often
than not, students who are the targets of bullying are chosen because
they have poor self-esteem, little self-confidence and inadequate
skills to deal with aggressive behavior.
Teachers have always known that students learn best when they are
comfortable, safe and relaxed. Bullying threatens and destroys that
safety. Beane's book is for teachers who want to do something concrete
about bullying.
copyright © 2002 Impact Training
to
top
Peer
Education and
Sexual Harassment Prevention
by Katy Allen
National Coalition for Sex Equity in Education
(now Association for Gender Equity Leadership in Education)
Summer Newsletter, 1998
Pain prevention is preferable to investigation and litigation.
Any school district that has been investigated or sued for mishandling
a sexual harassment incident can attest to the truth of this statement.
Unfortunately, sexual harassment prevention education is an easy
task to leave on the back burner while other more "pressing"
and immediate issues are dealt with. Using peer educators to teach
students about the problem of sexual harassment in schools can be
an effective way to improve student interactions and school climate,
while meeting Title IX obligations.
Why peer educators?
Peer educators have been used to teach students about a multitude
of topics including sexuality information, HIV and AIDS prevention,
resistance to alcohol, tobacco and drug use and personal safety.
In programs that have been followed up with research to test effectiveness,
peer educator led programs are often the most effective ones. Even
when peer led programs have not been significantly more effective
than teacher led programs, they have been at least as successful
as teacher led programs.
Despite the fact that most school officials feel they are offering
the best programs when they bring in a "specialist or expert"
from the outside, most research indicates that classroom teachers
and peer educators have more impact on behavior than the "outsider's"
program. As a prevention educator I have often felt as if there
was little chance that my programs would result in any real behavioral
change among students. More is needed than just a one shot, "Don't
do it or else...," type of program. Although a peer education
prevention program is labor and time intensive, the payoffs may
be significantly higher than with any other type of prevention effort.
to top
How does it work?
Peer education is about kids teaching kids. In my experience it
works best when middle school students teach older elementary students.
High school students, believe it or not, are more self-conscious
than middle school students and they often have academic, extra
curricular and work demands that hinder their participation. Finding
the time to be trained, and being willing to miss classes to teach
other students, is problematic for high schoolers. Middle schoolers,
who are usually less busy, are truly enthusiastic about going back
to elementary school and working in classrooms with younger students.
All students, both middle and high schoolers, are hesitant about
teaching students their own age. Since need may require that peer
educators present to students in their own school, it is good to
have the older students present to the younger students. (Have 8th
and 9th graders present to 7th graders.) Some schools have their
peer educators start by teaching elementary children and then after
they have gained experience and self- confidence, they present to
middle school students closer to their own age.
Getting Started
Adult support and commitment are critical to the success of a peer
education program. The programs that I have been involved with that
were most successful had three adults working on the project: an
administrator, a teacher-liaison and the trainer-consultant. As
with any successful program, administrative support is of utmost
importance. Without it, students don't get released time to be trained
or to do the program. Without it, teachers and parents won't support
students missing class in order to participate. Without administrative
support, there will be no money... i.e. end of project.
The second necessary adult is a teacher who will be the link between
the trainer and the students. This person oversees the student selection
process, arranges and communicates the training schedules to the
students, teams with the consultant trainer, oversees photocopying
and accompanies students on their initial peer education programs.
The trainer-consultant is responsible for conducting the training
for the peer educators. This also includes creation of the lesson(s)
that the peer educators will deliver. I have worked with peer educators
who developed their own lesson and it was very time consuming. Unless
peer education is being done as a for-credit, course requirement,
or as a course in itself, it is much easier to give the students
a prepared lesson to teach.
to top
Student Selection
Ideally, peer educators should be a cross section of the entire
student population. Getting gender, race, class and ability balance
is challenging, however. When a school first initiates a peer education
program it is best to solicit recommendations from faculty. As the
program grows and students understand what it is all about, they
become tuned in to announcements and posters that invite participation.
Initially, though, it may be necessary to personally invite students
to "try this project," and see if they like it. This type
of recruitment effort can also create the type of gender, race,
class and ability diversity that is not likely to happen when a
general call for volunteers is extended to the whole student body.
Because peer educators will miss some class time for both the training
and teaching portions of the project, students who have poor attendance
records or who are not doing well academically, are screened out.
Once interested students have been identified, it is useful to have
an informational meeting for peer educators and their parents. This
helps to answer questions and gives parents and peer educators a
chance to sign a letter of commitment and a permission form. Students
and parents need to know that any school work that is missed while
participating in the project has to be made up.
A side note about missing class... If parents, teachers or administrators
are unwilling to permit students to miss class, then a peer education
program won't work. Even if all the initial training and preparation
is done after school, in the evenings or on the weekends, students
still need to have released time to present to other students. As
more schools feel the pressure of meeting higher expectations and
academic standards, fewer teachers seem to be willing to allow students
to miss class. This is an issue that has to be resolved early on
in the discussion.
I worked with a school that appeared to want to do a peer education
sexual harassment prevention program, but when it came down to the
wire, the very teachers who claimed they supported the project would
not allow students to miss class. Instead, the students made a video
on their own time. It was a great learning effort on their part,
but sending a student-made movie into a class in place of three
or four peer educators is not peer education.
to top
What do the peer educators teach?
A peer education lesson is much like a lesson that a teacher may
deliver in the classroom on any number of different topics. Students
begin by introducing themselves and stating the purpose of the presentation.
Many groups then ask students to fill out a brief agree/disagree
survey. This survey measures basic knowledge and attitudes about
the topic of sexual harassment.
The various parts of the program are divided equally among the peer
educators.
These parts include:
• A definition of sexual harassment and mention of the school
district policy.
• An illustration of various examples of sexual harassment,
either through skits or a video.
• Discussion of the skits or video.
• Various ways to respond to sexual harassment.
The program concludes with the dissemination of informational pamphlets,
followed by a post survey which requires students to answer the
same questions as the pre survey. Results from the pre and post
survey usually indicate an increase in knowledge and awareness of
sexual harassment issues. (Interestingly, when the question, "Have
you ever been sexually harassed?" is asked, more students answer
in the affirmative on the post survey.)
How do recipients receive the peer education programs?
Classroom teachers generally welcome peer educators into their classes.
Most of the feedback after the presentation is positive. As with
any project of this nature, the peer educators get better the more
they do the program. Practice and repetition improve their performance.
Younger children respond very favorably to having older peer educators
teach them. One additional benefit is that the children who participate
as recipients look forward to the time when they can be peer educators
for younger children. After three or four years of programs, the
request for students to become peer educators is met with an overwhelming
response. It is not uncommon to have more students sign up than
can even be used in the program.
to top
How do peer educators evaluate their experience?
The real winners in this type of program are the peer educators.
These students get an in-depth orientation on the topic of sexual
harassment, something seldom made available to students. A main
goal of the first phase of training is to get students to be able
to "walk the talk." If students are going to be successful
presenters, they must believe what they are saying. They have to
evaluate their own attitudes and actions. It is emphasized that
their behavior outside of the peer education lessons will speak
louder than the messages they espouse in the presentations.
One comment made by many peer educators is that they liked getting
to work with students that they would not normally have chosen to
interact with. It seems that students enjoyed the diversity of the
peer education groups. Students also stated that they enjoyed the
extra measure of respect with which teachers treated them. Apparently,
they were accorded a higher status by the teaching staff for their
participation.
Tips and Suggestions
Every peer education project has to be tailored to meet the needs
of the specific school or district, but here are some suggestions
that may prove helpful:
• Peer educator groups may vary in size from three to seven
students. The larger the group, the more cumbersome the lesson becomes.
(Kids start tripping over one another.) The smaller the group, the
less secure the students feel. (There is safety in numbers.)
• This project takes a whole year. Plan to begin student selection
early in the fall. (That means laying all the groundwork in the
spring.) Try to have your orientation training done by the winter
break. Try to present the peer education lessons before the spring
break.
• Have students prepare visuals to use in the presentation.
Overheads or posters can be made of the goals of the program, the
definition of sexual harassment, the discussion questions that will
be asked after the skits or the video, and the steps students can
take to deal with sexual harassment.
• Successful and thorough communication with students is critical.
If students don't get messages or letters, or they don't hear announcements,
they won't show up for trainings or practices.
• Feed your peer educators while they are in training. They
leave with a positive feeling and are more likely to come back.
to top
A Challenge
Sexual harassment is a complex issue and teaching about it requires
a fairly sophisticated level of knowledge. A preliminary training
effort requires a minimum of 4-6 hours for the peer educators. Practicing
the peer education lesson requires at least another 2-3 hours.
A successful lesson needs to be more than information download,
so peer educators need some practice facilitating, not just lecturing.
Teaching peer educators how to ask follow-up questions or develop
student responses is a major challenge, but without this skill the
classroom interactions become dull and static. When time permits
it is also beneficial to have peer educators model or demonstrate
some of the possible responses to sexual harassment. Showing someone
how to do something is more effective than telling him or her how
to do it.
Conclusion
Peer led sexual harassment prevention education is a positive step
toward changing a culture that promotes gender and sexual disrespect.
It is not, however, a program that is a cure-all. Administrators,
teachers and non teaching staff need to receive prevention education,
and this is obviously not something that can be provided by the
peer educators. Therefore, schools must not feel they are meeting
all their obligations by creating a peer education program.
One of the effects of sexual harassment prevention education is
a rise in reporting. Thus, it is very important for complaint managers
and Title IX coordinators to have training in how to do investigations
of alleged sexual harassment incidents. Students should be the last
members of the school community to receive prevention education,
not the first. Unfortunately, many schools don't proceed in this
manner.
Lastly, the success of a peer education program speaks directly
to the fact that young people often set the norms for acceptable
behavior among their peers. If it isn't "cool" to call
a girl a slut, spread a sexual rumor, pinch a boy's bottom or force
a girl to have unwanted sex, then students are less likely to engage
in these behaviors. Successful peer education may not only change
behaviors, it will also hopefully change attitudes and ideas. That's
not easy to measure in the long or the short term, but it is certainly
a worthy goal.
copyright © 2002 Impact Training
to
top
|
